The Blue Hole

i sink

in a blue hole

cant see where i'm going 

cant see where i will land

will i land anywhere at all 

or will i simply drown

and end up as debris of a bottomless pit

i'm drifting where the current feels like taking me

the only thing i'm sure of 

that this helplessness is getting 

sickeningly sweet...

its like being embraced by a drug

that promises

surrender

to a mirage

to a delusion

to a beautiful lie...

The girl with the Golden Crown !

She said i was beautiful

never had she seen me frown

She said i'm the girl with the golden crown

She said i was always smiling

and so would the people around 

She said i'm the girl with the golden crown

She said i was taking life so gracefully

True happiness would always surround

She said i'm the girl with the golden crown

but she didn't know

that in my quest for freedom

I had managed to get bound

the weight of the world
on my shoulders
had been wearing me down

the gold enthroned upon my head
had been slowly turning brown
if only she knew, I'm the lost girl, who was never found...

distant...

I need to be distant

I need to be away

I need to be detached 

I need to let go

I need to stop giving in

I need to be alone 

I need to be strong

I need to stop acting like a love- hungry puppy

I need to stop putting blind faith on the unknown

I need to stop forgiving when not deserved

I need to stop opening my heart to anyone and everyone
I need to stop depending on others
I need to stop expecting from others
I need to stop hating myself for my flaws
I need to stop hurting
I need to stop drifting
I need to stop needing
but i need -
to save my hypersensitivity
to be responsible
to be reasonable
to safeguard my dreams
to protect my vulnerability
to heal myself
to preserve the spark of divinity within
to count my blessings
to be eternally grateful
to be selfish and self-centred
to throw out what i dont need
to be committed to myself
to face the world
to face myself
to earn my place
to run for my life
to learn to tolerate my own company
To be distant...
To stop needing others
and need only myself...

Thank You...

whoever you are...
where ever you are...
whether you run the show from up there
or you operate from within us all
whatever you put me through
whatever you blessed me with
which ever crossroads you took me to
whenever life seemed to hold still
you were flowing
you were guiding me
you were holding my hand
you were nurturing me
you were loving me unconditionally
you were teaching me all i needed to know
i accept it all
i appreciate it all
i value it all
i offer to you my eternal gratitude...

Decide

every time
someone Else

Decides...

to Stay with me
to Walk out on me
to Give-In to me
to Give-up on me
to Push me
to Hold me back
to Steer me to "Self-proclaimed" right
to Avert me from "Self-loathed" wrong

someone Else
Decides...

how i must Not deceive
the very trust i Doubt
how i must be True to my promises
even if they no longer hold any Meaning

someone Else
Decides...

"Whom" i must love
"How" and "How much"
the last memories
i would be left with, to hold on to...

but people barely
Realize...

Try as i might
to hear the voice inside
i don't seem to have Earned the right
to Decide for my life, in their Eyes...

and Sadly enough
i Suspect they're Right...

???

who am i right now?
who was i sometime back?
what did, everything i did till now, mean?
what will, everything i do from now on, mean?
who and what will i transform into?
will i understand who i become?
will i recognise myself?
will i be able to love myself
will you...???

short-Lived

taste of Happiness-
short-Lived...
bout of Excitement-
short-Lived...
spark of Life-
short-Lived...
rush of Blood-
short-Lived...
desire to Desire again
short-Lived...
a glimmer of Hope-
short-Lived...
basking in Inspiration-
short-Lived...
daring to Dream-
short-Lived...
the promise of Forever
short-Lived...
but Pain-
Everlasting.............

Who decides??? (Dedicated to my dog Tyson)

Who decides ?
how much suffering can one endure

Who decides ?
who lives and how long

Who decides ?
who dies and how

Who decides ?
how much one must take

Who decides ?
when enough is enough

Who decides ?
what is the breaking point

Who decides?
how much to fight

Who decides ?
when to give up

Who decides ?
when to let go

Who decides ?
how long to linger

Who decides?
how much fear to instill

Who decides ?
how much freedom to give

Who decides ?
how much to praise

Who decides ?
how much criticism is healthy

Who decides ?
what is real or fake

Who decides ?
what is right and what's wrong

Who decides ?
the norms of a "make-believe" society

Who decides ?
what rules are allowed to be twisted

Who decides ?
what is acceptable or not

Who decides ?
if one is strong-willed or plain defiant

Who decides ?
how much is defence or destruction

Who decides ?
where is the line

Who decides ?
how much of truth is it alright to distort

Who decides ?
what times its alright to lie

Who ?
the entity we believe to exist
Who ?
the fate we try to twist
Who ?
the religions we proclaim
Who ?
the devil we love to blame

Who ?
the ones whose rights we deny
Who then?
you mean - u and i?

we, Who know half the truth?
neither the circumstance nor the root
let us first step back and look inside
before we, on behalf of those affected, decide!

"World of the dead"!

Welcome to the "world of the dead"
you don't have a reservation?
not a problem at all
we're open 24/7

about your room? oh nothing to worry!
you wont be needing much space
your come from royalty is it?
great,then we'll put you in your place

relax, there's no dress code
petite looks just as pretty as plus-size
since the lighting is poor
we wont be able to tell if you're coloured or white

oh pardon the interiors!
we prefer to furnish in grey's
don't worry you'll get used to it soon
as your judgemental self fade away

you want a drink?
oh but we don't serve alcohol at night
we assumed you'd arrive
already drunk on life!

sorry there's no transport facility to the previous station
but we do offer lifetime accommodation instead
you want to get back but wasn't it you who hoped
so many times,that you were dead

you wanted more than you had, didn't you
well, consider this place all yours
strange though that no one ever told you
to be careful of what you wish for!

Trigger!

hey i feel dead...
Come lets talk...
lets have a conversation....
maybe something will come out of it...
something that stimulates me....
shakes me up
from my slumber
from my numbness
because my thresholds seem to have shot up
and i dont know how to get to some kind of reality...
i need a trigger!

hey i feel high
need to slow down
lets sit in silence
maybe it will quiet things down in my head
something that eases me...
wakes me up
from my fantasy
from my wandering
because my excitement has touched such heights
I'm tired of this duality...
i need a trigger!

yet AGAIN !