my Drug...

i wonder why nothing ever touches

or moves me

i'm a dead body walking

can't feel a thing

the mechanical act

of breathing barely manages  

to keep me functioning

keep running everywhere

out of desperation

begging,hopeless and despaired

sinking deeper into

the pit of nothingness

blind to my passion

deaf to my voice

unfeeling to the spark within

constantly questioning it

trying my best to drive it away

letting my defeats try to squash it

so at least 

once it dies

i could then hold its ashes

in my hands

and bleed

feel something,somehow ...

and as now in this moment

as the notes nourish my senses
as my lips form the words
i can barely hear

pain oozes out of my every pore

tears caress the smile

that comes on the face of the

one who sees a net
appear out of nowhere

catching him from his free fall

at the final second

when he's very nearly 

embraced his end

the relief...that god

you are not dead

you who created the drug
that breathes life into me
that stirs in my bosom
that balms my wounded soul
that makes the pit of my stomach wrench
that awakens my will
that steals sleep from my eyes,hunger from my body
as if its the most natural thing
and when the high wears me out
i float in the sweet esctacy of possibilities
as time waits for me to plug back in
all over again
you, my drug, my music

i hope to be hopelessly addicted to you...

forever.

Mani, 1 am, 30th January, 2014