my Will

when i die

dig out the bundles

of tattered bits of paper

hiding inside 

the inaccessible part

of my closet 

safe in the 

casket of unheard melodies

words peeping out

solemnly 

at the thought

of being discovered

afraid

of accidentally pouring

out the weight of emotions

tugged on tightly by them

all this while...

give them away

to someone

who will value it 

as some kind of wealth

than a burden 

that i thought 

i might carry to my grave

or that might carry 

me there instead

but no that is my last wish

to no longer be bound
to what belonged to all
to what was never mine

furthermore  

in my journey to

other versions of reality

that i might learn to accept

let a sweet voice

belonging to a heart

that has loved and lost

but unlike me
still continued to love -

render the songs free

loud and clear

so the world may hear about
yet never dare to imitate
the ways of this unknown
songwriter,singer, composer
(let this be the inscription)

a self-professed martyr,

a deluded fool 

who spent all her life running

from who she truly was

and collapsed when her mind,body and spirit 

could take no more,
who will then
take a final bow
to the thundering applause
at the sadistic joke of destiny
and at last,hopefully...
will rest in peace.

Mani, 29 January, 2014