I Grieve...dedicated to Bua.

i'm sorry
i couldn't bear it
i couldn't cry...
i couldn't sit still
i just walked about
and worked
till i dropped dead
at the end of each day
as if it would stop
the inevitable from happening
as if
everything would be alright
pretending to be strong
only succeding to feel
strangely numb
tears would prick my eyes
but i would nudge them back
deep inside...some recess of my soul

the few moments
i managed
to hold your hands
to look into your eyes
i hope you felt me breaking
you heard my heart weeping
and even though
i was caged inside myself
i hope you felt me
reach out to you
somewhere...somehow...

and now
with each new day
i grieve...
every molecule of me...
it hurts
to feel
the emptiness of you
to know
i can't physically
touch you...
or hear your voice...
and no matter
how hard i try
i can't quite
turn back time
so i grieve...
in the only way i know
i dont know how
long will it go on
i guess life and time
will teach me...

I pray
you're in a comfortable space now
your're warm and happy
always smiling
your beautiful smile...
May god bless you
and hold you close
i want you to
know...
i love you
i miss you
i remember you
i hold dear in my heart
your thoughtful gestures
that light up my memories
your fragrance
that lingers
your afterglow
that heals me...


Mani 2013