Easy!

I blurt out what there is
at the tip of my tongue
I dont care about
being politically correct

I'm unapologetic about what i believe in
Too bad if its doesnt conform to you
Too bad a fearless woman like me
shakes up your fragile ego

In this case, what you see, you wont get
But yes, what you see is what there is
So dont even bother trying
Because clearly, i'm out of your league

But looks like its hard for you men
To come to terms with my transparency
But then that's your problem to deal with
that doesn't mean i'm easy!

Autopsy!

Forced to dig into evidence
we had gathered
At much publicised
crime scene
Shoved in a black box
Next to handy skeletons
Exhausted from
containing theyre screams

We dare to inspect
the much fussed over remains
subject them to careful scrutiny
To ascertain the cause of death
Did dreams hang themselves limp
Or was the soul asphyxiated
Was it the deficiency of love
Or an overdose of disrespect

Once we think
we have the answers
We stitch back
mutilated pieces together
Pretending we'd manage to
To feed a probable longing
From the one,
Long withered

We thump its chest hard
Enough to force back a heartbeat
We put it on a ventilator
And compel it to breathe
We pretend that there are
still some signs of life
We imagine it gasping for breath
Confident, it can still be revived

But alas we were too concieted
Giving into the temptation of playing god
We dint find the invasion of dealthy peace
To be in any way, odd
Now we stand red with shame
Our foolishness carved in stone
The least we could do now
Is to leave its fate alone

So as we pay our last respects
To the one long departed
Behind the facade of a strong will
We admit to being weak hearted
No balming apology given for a hasty buriel

Thereby commiting a sin so carnal
To the corpse denied of a fair autopsy and a long overdue funeral!

InConsistent

I think its right to pronounce myself as
inconsistent
For -

Ive always rebelled
Ive always avoided my own company
Ive always run away from commitment
Ive always taken refuge in excuses
Ive always given into my fears
Ive always fed my mental blocks
Ive always resisted coming out of my comfort zone
Ive always empathised with my failures
Ive always justified my cowardice
Ive always shirked off responsibility
Ive always searched for a savior to fix my life
Ive always broken promises to myself

Ive always invited trouble

Ive always disrupted peace

Ive always rebelled against my best interests

Ive always pushed away people who have truly cared

Ive always wrongfully judged people and invested in unworthy relationships

Ive always put my most precious relationships on the line

Ive always taken my blessings for granted
And I've always managed to draw everyone's attention to "my crippling disabilities"

It think its wrong to pronounce myself as
inconsistent
For -

Ive been inconsistent
rather quite Consistently!

Fall from Grace!

A thousand years old fortress
Took only a minute to desecrate
Its sacred walls breached not by enemies
But by those who gave it shape

Hundreds of dishevelled pillars
Each engraved with trust
Debris spread across miles
choking life with dust

The harder
the bloodstains are scrubbed
The more fervently
they refuse to budge

The grieving ruins
Cringe at sadistic memories
Seaming themselves
Permanently into history

Even if there was some way
To put back the pieces together
Without question, the gentlest breeze,
They wouldn't be able to weather

Even with the balm of forgiveness
The cracks couldn't be hidden
They'd continue gaping in disbelief
At violation of "the forbidden"

Even fate feels cheated
Of an invasion it could never anticipate
Oh what a grand treason!
what a mighty fall from grace!

Defeat

Things always happen this way
Before i can register them
Before i can get a grip

There are brief periods of decieving calm
And then all hell breaks loose
Resiliant and devastating

Shattering every little brick
I might have put together all this while
To build an invisible pillar within

Leaving me more broken than ever
And getting up on my feet
Seems like a distant possibility

I sink in a bottomless pit
There's no way out
There's only way in

To my demons
Sneering at my failure
Readying to blow out the tiny spark within

And so i give in...
I give up...
I accept defeat...

Cutting the Cord!

You think i'm so fucked up
For no good reason
You think i chose this?

If you despise me so much
Then why are you still here
Why don't you just leave me alone?

If you feel such a compulsion
To stick around still
I'll make this easy for you

Let me walk out and
Save you the misery
Save you the disgrace

For the record
I'm cutting the cord!

Distorted!

Everything i've ever believed in

Is crashing down in my face
I stand empty handed

mighty confused and dazed

Helplessly witnessing it all

slipping through my fingers

Except loneliness

Stinging me as it lingers

This dark tunnel isn't showing

Any sign of light

my quest for thrill has perhaps

Led to my sorry plight

Turns out that all my principles

Have been and continue to be distorted

The grand mess that my life has become,
Makes me wonder, if it will ever get sorted!

Hall of Shame!

Who are you to question

anyone's morality

When you yourself have commited 

a grave sin in reality

but ofcourse

it would help

To wriggle out

From the dungeon of guilt

And take refuge

in a blame game

But fate will haunt you

Just the same

As you slouch with the weight

of your fragile ego

too late to erase evidence

Of your stooping so low

You're sure to crumble

on the ashes of lost respect

For future can't stand
on ruins of false promises

You ought to be adorned

with the crown of thorns

While you shall bear the cross

Etched with your wrongs

You deserve applause

For your valient stand

and for your convenient cowardice

You will be damned

So as u stand, naked

In the hall of shame

your scarlet letter shall burn you

With hell awaiting its claim

Jekyll and Hyde!

Meandering
along
Calmly inviting
the storm
A shadow
that light denies
a heaving chest
Where love and hate collide


A clever masquerade
That has forgotten its roots
A craftsman
Rather carved by her tools
Comfortably shedding skins
While squirming inside
She is the perfect refuge
For Jekyll to Hyde/hide !

Thin line...

We lose sight

We miss the signs

Between an incident

and an accident

There is a thin line...

We rush but

Some lessons reveal themselves 

only in time

Between the abstract and the defined

There is a thin line...

We cheat with truth

We make up with lies

Between the shameless wrongs
and the cowardly rights

There is a thin line...

We tease and test

We tempt and then deny
Between innocent lust
and a malicious love 

There is a thin line!

The asking?

You're asking me

To stop orchestrating every frame in this movie of my life into perfect,not to be touched, works of art

To pin down my wandering mind always hunting for crisis

Onto something too constant
to be adequatly enticing

You're asking me to stop being scattered

And consolidate my fragments

Away from the unimaginable perceptions they attract and feed on

You're asking me
to never forget my sufferings 

So i will lose the charm of making d same mistakes creatively every single time

To dessert the world i designed 

Telling me,its not real

So what if it's not,but its blueprint has been etched by my blood

I dont need dope to get high
Or alcohol to take away my inhibitions
I carry with me delicious delusions
That i can access anytime

Yet,you're asking me be normal
just like the rest of the herd
To give up my sanctuary of escape, calling it a mere crutch

Well let me tell you, my friend
This world is so painfully real for me
So youve got to stop right away
for youre asking for too much!

a b s t r a c t.

I live in the abstract

There is no time and place

Just empty space...
constantly Splashed with clashing hues

That dont know how to blend

No room for anyone

Except for flesh and blood

Except for heart and soul

Except for endless restlessness
For a quest that is the answer to itself.

where all lines blur
where Life and death
hold each other's hand
as they tread
on the tightrope of insanity

where every song is heard

and every word echoes
as it drifts

Further and further away

But is never quite lost

I'm the spider
who knit this web

Now the web holds me its prisoner

I've lived in the abstract

Now the abstract lives in me...

Cold hearted!

You've been everything to me.

My family

My friend

My love

You've done every possible thing for me

Burnt your insides

Put your peace on mortgage

Bled to the very last drop of your spirit

  

And if i cant acknowledge a love

like this one

Then i have to be 

a cold hearted bitch

Whom, 

even a love 

so majestic

couldnt touch

Its far too much

than i deserve

Could anyone else possibly take such a blessing to be a curse

The only right thing i could ever do is to let you go...

And find the one who truly values you so...

Parasite!

Sometimes

Somethings keep hitting the same spot over and over again

N then one day when the wound is raw enough,

the hurt seeps inside

And takes shelter in some hollow space within

And then its beyond you

You cant fix it

You cant even touch it

Its lingers on like un diagnosed disease, you know its there,but u just cant quite localise it...

a parasite that has its tentacles firmly established,refusing to budge, knawing you, sucking every drop of your blood

And all you can do is watch and suffer

All you can do is Suffer and watch...

sentimental Fool!

I have unrealistic expectations

from people around

When i'm in the pits

I want them to go all out

But they dont understand this,

For they have better things to do

Its not their fault,

The problem is me,

the Sentimental fool!

They feel, making me happy

Is a task,quite impossible

in my tough times

I expect their life to be at a standstill

Citing that i would do the same

But Its ridiculous,

Because no one can be like me

And no one ought to

Its really no good, being

a Sentimental fool

Friend

You've been the only one

whose been there

Through thick & thin

Walking beside me 

Always reassuring me 

That i can crash into you 

Any time i need to

I can take you for granted

I can use and throw you

You dont judge me

You accept me as who i am

and who i'm not

Your silence reveals profound lessons

You let me fly in my mind

And when the need arises

You bring me to my knees

You know my truth

You know my lies

You bring out the tears

To soothe me

Youre my blessing

Youve been my curse

You brought out my insanity after all

You unleashed my demons

forcing me to confront them

You exploit my fragility

You slap me in my face

You're my biggest ally

Youre my partner in crime

You boost me up

You shame me

Whatever you do

You bring me closer to myself

You watch over me

But never question my freedom

You keep my insides churning

My heart aching

So it never forgets to beat

You make me feel guilty

But eventually forgive me

When the realisation dawns on me

You're harsh

You dont mince words

I'm no longer afraid of you

People often ask me if i have ever commited to anything in life

Yes i can sheepishly say-

Ive been commited to

Running away from you

Except when i steal brief moments of you and turn into a melancholic poet

I'm sorry,

i havent valued you enough

please lets give it another try

Im sure we'll learn to enjoy each others company

Come embrace me

Come lets have a drink,

a smoke, together

Come my solitude

lets be friends again...

Empty house!

They warned me against you

What a monster they made you out to be

But my empty house

You're just as lonely as me.

Infact you're better off,for you give refuge to a needy like me

I on the other hand am home to insecurities that greedily feed on me

You keep waiting for a day when i'd welcome myself in without a frown

Without looking at us both with self pity while i shut the world out

You wait with open arms
for me to embrace you

I am fidgety
till i dont manage to escape you

I associate a day with success

when i see you only at the fag end

too occupied to spend time with you,
i conveniently pretend

I traded my comfort for freedom
that's something you never let me forget

i see your bare walls in place of people i should have kept

i wish i was as empty as you, so there was room for beautiful thoughts to fill me inside

But instead within me 

Endless emptyness resides

So im back-my empty house

This time greeting you with a smile

im sure we'll get along
like a house on fire...

Safe...

She seemed engrossed
In her books at the time
no could tell what demons dwelled
In the crevices of her mind
That in a matter of seconds
She would leave the world behind
All it took was a slit of her wrist
All it took was a slip in time

From the neighbouring house
Rang prayers to welcome the night
But she was already far away
Searching desperately for the light
That light that each one was to follow
But the dark tunnel she was treading
Seemed tiringly hollow
The promised peace
Was no where to be seen
She felt a thousand splinters
Pierce her being
The darkness began to seep inside
Every pore
She gasped for a last breath
as she lay drowning in the ocean of unrest

In the deafening silence
She heard a faint call of her name
She tried to flow towards it
But she lay pinned to pain
She tried to scream out
But no sound came from within
the voice seemed to move
Further away
Its mere echo remained

And then the world blacked out
She could not fight any further
 Earlier she had given up life
But now life had given up on her
She heard the voice
call her name once again
This time
she wouldnt let it get away
She mustered all her strength to stretch out her shapeless hand

She felt weightless atlast
She seemed to have finally found the light
So majestic and blinding
it hurt her eyes
She had journeyed to the ocean of peace
She could now sigh with relief
God's hand stroked her head
She felt hot tears wet her face
She was grateful to feel something
She was grateful to feel anything at all
She summoned courage to look up to the one she would give herself up to
God looked just like her mother
God smelt just the same
God's arms embraced her and welcomed her to a safe place.

The crutch

I have my four limbs intact
But mostly i'm on a crutch
I cant move an inch without its permission
I need approval for every step
I need reassurance of the ones taken before
I need the commitment of taking me through the ones in the future
There's no such thing as "my decisions"
I'm too much of a coward to be able take them
My crutch supports my fears
It makes their hold stronger
They weigh down heavily on me
I'm willing to do everything possible to hang on to it
A vestigeal part in me wishes i trip
For only then will i regain my balance,
The day i fall hard enough to break my crutch,
Is the day i will truly rise!

Forgiveness and Gratitude

I want to begin this year

By thanking everyone

For being who they have been

With me....

For all the love,pain,warmth,anguish,

Turmoil,they facilitated

I am who i am today because of these

experiences.

I am strong and hollow all at the same time

I am a million exciting things

I can love endlessly

Have i any new year resolutions

No

I have a few promises to make to myself

Its has nothing to do with time and occasion

i want to learn to love myself

I want to face my fears

I want to realise all my potential

Do i have any expectations from the world?

Perhaps- to not try to meddle with my journey , my soul-quest

But they will,wont they!

So no,

I have no expectations from the world

I however wish we all can forget and forgive ourselves and others

That we can explore and extract the best from ourselves

That we can be more kind and loving

That we can find ourselves and learn to truly accept and embrace ourselves and those who hold meaning in our lives.