Forgotten but Not Forgiven

Thought i had forgotten you
thought you didnt exist anymore
Thought my life waz getting sorted now,

from long being helplessly twisted.

I did'nt realise what had crept in,

till i saw the pattern,

how was i to know,

you had befriended my own satan.

Now everytime i bring myself down,

i hear you laughing,
pulling me down under,

till i hit rock bottom.

You live in my evils,

the times i act mean,

the times i judge others,

and my thoughts are unclean.

I thought i had just lost you,

but there waz more to that,it seems,

with you left my pride,my confidence

and my esteem.

you conveniently dwell,

in my favourite memories,

when i looked and felt my best

and later unconsolably grieved.

You've gnawed me into my core,

i'm so hollow inside.

There's no place anymore,

for someone else to reside.

You live in my weaknesses,

situations when i feel awkward,

the moments im in a dilemma

when i act like a coward.

The days i feel shaky,

and nothing goes my way,

times when i freeze,

or feel like running away.

You took what was best in me,

and left your worst behind.

I still want to be be the person,

whose picture you carved in my mind .

So many hitches grip me

as i sink into this mess.

You seeped in so deep,

that now i'm pouring of shallowness.

You stole into my shadow,

there was no where to hide,

how far could i run from myself

carrying my own demolition inside.

You kept feeding my failures,

and eventually consumed me,

then with the final blow of your desertion,

you made sure that you doomed me.

but today i'm taking back your powers,

my psyche dat,you toyed with,on useless basis.

Throwing out your ideas,your impact

every bit of your demonic traces.

No longer can you dictate my dreams,

no longer can you rob my sleep,

wont run after the the image you drew,anymore,

i'm throwing out everybit of you dat i keep.

I want to be who i was,

as if you never came

as if i never felt your presence,

and never called out your name.

To love myself without any judgements

as i did before,

to finally be free of you,

and now you can be sure-

To no more insanity,

shall i allow myself to be driven,

someday,you will be forgotten,

but surely never forgiven.

© Dr. Manvi Gupta 2010 www.manvigupta.com